I had wanted to write a bit about father’s day, it seems appropriate for my blog, but there are a couple of things that stopped me writing the post I wanted to … instead I’ve written this one. Here’s the two things:
Firstly, on father’s day the lad was tired, tired, tired, started being cheeky, cheeky, cheeky, before going on to scream, scream, scream. In the end he was sent to his bed, bed, bed, before he wound up dead, dead, dead!! His mum and I were drained, drained, drained and the lass just laughed, laughed, laughed :roll:
Secondly, and without an ounce of humour, I don’t ever remember celebrating father’s day with my own dad. He was an alcoholic and not a man I really remember. What I do remember isn’t pretty:
- I remember going on holiday, camping, and an ambulance coming because my dad was ‘ill’;
- I remember running to get my mum when my dad fell and hurt himself because he had ‘tripped’;
- I remember being shown how to use a double barrelled shot gun (aged v. young) in the kitchen - shells thankfully not included;
- I remember the police returning the shells but not the gun when my dad had taken it to the pub to ’show’ his ‘freinds’;
- I remember waiting for santa and hearing my mum and dad arguing … before I sneaked to bed;
- I remember having to get my mum because my dad’s writing desk had ‘fallen’ on him;
- I remember moving from our 5 bedroom victorian detached home into an end-of-terrace ex-council house without my dad … I don’t remember saying goodbye;
- I remember the last time I saw him in Rothesay, where he moved to, I remember hugging him on the docks and not wanting to let go and crying before boarding the Waverly … I remember the tear in the corner of his eye … I remember crying all the way home;
- I remember a man I never knew.
I remember why I wanted to be a father. To be everything he wasn’t … I didn’t realise it still hurt so much …
Related links:
alcohol in scotland
alcoholics anonymous (UK)
alcoholics anonymous (World Service)
footnote: I haven’t decided whether or not to hit the publish button, if you’re reading this then I guess I did …
